What do your family and friends have to do with your failures or your success?
In order to heal, We need to start with a trauma informed approach which is knowing and understanding “what happened to you” the thing that dis-regulated your mind and spirit….
If you don’t have purpose or know what direction to go in, of course you are going to be stuck and lost.
So, you have been going along your life and the people in it, based on your behavior, have either labeled you or treated you differently, which drives how you do or do not move forward.
Let me start by saying that we should not be doing things in our life to prove to the haters or the people that you feel have treated you unfairly or that simply don’t understand that you are not the person you used to be. You should be doing those things to bring joy to your life and rebuild yourself into the person you want to be and probably always were deep down inside.
We are mad and hurt and want vindication in some way. I totally get that, but I have seen too many women waste years of their lives trying to prove something which only brings more resistance to the problem.
You may have accomplished so much in your personal growth and your healing journey but because many people in your circles or in your world don’t see it or understand what you have been doing internally, they tend to be stuck in the past, only bringing up what THEY remember of you, which is very triggering, isn't it?
As I always say, finding safe relationships and safe environments along with purpose in your life are known to heal emotional trauma, BUT it won’t work unless you realize what happened to you and come to terms with it so you can move on.
Once you stop feeling, about yourself, the same things the people in your life feel about you, then you can start to move passed it.
But what happens, someone will say, “well you know how you are”
And that is all it takes, that is your trigger and your gut punch.
In one sentence, “well you know how are you” reduces you to rubble all over again.
This is where the work comes in working with a coach. This is a practice of managing each and every sucker punch that takes you down.
When you can start to look at your life as completely outside of everyone around you, you will begin to see that you are in charge of you and your outcomes and they are in charge of theirs.
You will begin to look at them with curiosity and wonder. You will see what is important to them and how much it has nothing to do with your life.
People can’t hurt you unless you allow them to.
My life belongs to me and my outcomes, good or bad belong to me.
Letting someones words keep you stuck in a box so that you never take risks or never try will always keep you in a victim role.
Failing is how you grow.
Falling is how you learn.
But other people’s opinions belong to them and it is none of your business what other people think, right?
I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I had listened to the opinions of others.
Taking that on as your problem is what keeps you lost and stuck.
Also, what are you making things mean?
Don’t let yourself fall into that same rut where you KNOW how they are and start assuming what other people are thinking which creates a perpetual circle of going no where.
As always, feel free to reach out to me if you would like to learn more about this concept or would like some coaching around this area of your life.
Go to karenmessina.com and sign up for you free confidential consultation.