So how are you feeling today? Are you good? Are you sad? Are you mad?
I want to talk to you today about being stronger than your feelings.
Many times we let our feelings control our lives. They take over and create outcomes that we don’t like.
In many cases, the people or person we live with creates this outcome.
I have had clients that will tell me that their partner has been controlling them, in some way, for years, even if it is subtle, so that creates a fight or flight response.
If we look at the Self Coaching Model we have a Circumstance, Thought, Feeling, Action and Result.
When someone is controlling you, you will have a thought about that which will cause a feeling. That feeling might be many things, but in any event you are not able to think outside that circumstance because it is happening every day, keeping you in a fight or flight space.
Somewhere deep down inside, there is the YOU that existed before all of this.
The YOU that had dreams and ideas and a plan for your life.
When that gets clouded by someone else, the person you wanted to BE slowly seems to go away. And with that disappearance comes fear, shame and what feels like weakness.
I am here to tell you that you are stronger than that.
You matter and your thoughts, feelings and actions matter.
If you are living with someone who has an unmanaged mind and who feels the need to control you in order to feel better about themself, that controlling action belongs to them. Does that makes sense?
If someone you are with is cheating on you for example (but you are unaware of this) and they then accuse you of cheating or doing things behind their back, that accusation belongs to them and is how they manage to make you feel upset and confused and mad, which keeps you in that mind space so that you won’t have time to think about them cheating or what they might be doing….right, make sense?
Can you hear the common theme here? THEY
So many times we forget that it is THEY that are doing things TO us.
You have been on the receiving end of someone else’s bullshit.
Over time this can make you feel weak. It throws you into victim mode. And once you start to feel like a victim, it will cause a downward spiral, therefore causing you to be completely focused on that role, rather than remembering that you are not weak but still strong and still the person you were meant to be.
Your job is to dig deep and fight like hell to revive the YOU that has all the power. Realizing that this has nothing to do with you and that you are just living with someone that has a lot of unresolved issues, and those issues have likely happened long before you met them.
Saying “NO MORE" is a good start.
You need to be stronger than that person’s issues.
You need to see past what another person has dumped on you, all of their past issues,
and pull yourself out of the mud so that you can finally have a clear view of your wants and needs and desires.
Your path to your future and your road to happiness has been blocked and stifled by the confusion caused by worrying about what someone else is doing and saying day after day.
Can you see how easily this can happen? Especially if you started out loving this person.
It always starts out this way and then slowly it can all change.
Here is a visual…. It is like you are standing in a room with all of your dreams and hopes and desires, happy on the inside at the thought of what is possible for you and your new partner.
Slowly this person (who is unhappy or has past wounds that they never healed) starts to overshadow your joy and happiness.
It is like the bright and sunny room that you are standing in, where the sunshine makes you feel warm and happy, has just had one curtain closed and now it is a little bit darker and less warm.
Then more negative energy comes from this person and more and soon the shades are closing and you can’t see as much light coming in,... it feels scary but you still hang on to hope that the sun will come out again.
Now even more negative energy and now you question everything and blame yourself. All of a sudden the shades and curtains are closed on your bright and sunny room. It is no longer warm and comforting but cold and dark and scary.
It is hard to see where you started because you are busy fighting off unwanted comments and accusations and subtle threats.
But girl, you have no choice at this point but to say NO MORE. To find your warm happy space and fight like hell to get that back.
You have the power right now, within you, to do it and you CAN do it. I can help you get there, trust me.
Other people have no power over you unless you let them.
Other people’s words, accusations, threats belong to them and come from their past.
You were not in their past so how could any of it be about you?
Someone asked me how I made it past all of this.
That was a good question. Remember that I did not have a coach or counselor at the time so it took much longer than needed BUT......
Even through ALL of it, I had that deep desire to have the life I wanted.
I never let my warm sunny room with all the dreams and hopes get stomped on.
He tried...trust me, but I fought like hell to continue to see and feel the warmth of my future.
It's what you do AFTER that matters. It was because I did not have a coach so without that it caused me to question my worth therefore I didn’t go after the dream I wanted because it was too scary. I was free but still felt a little worthless.
That is what kept me down and kept me playing it safe for so many years.
But because I WANTED WHAT I WANTED so badly, I kept fighting and searching and finding answers that made me feel whole again.
Never stop fighting
Never stop looking for answers
Never give up
Be stronger that THAT…….Be strong than that thing that keeps pulling you out of your sunny room and into someone else’s darkness.
Let me help you find your sunny, warm future.
I am offering a free mini session, so reach out to me at karen@karenmessina.com
What do you have to lose?