There was something about him that attracted you in the first place.
You were looking for a life partner, someone to share your life with and someone to be a 50/50 partner with.
You put 110% into the relationship, but slowly you started to feel unappreciated, unloved, abused and alone.
The one thing that you loved about this person was the one thing you magnified and glorified and made most important in your relationship.
5% of the time, he was “everything” you ever wanted, and 95% of the time, your life was in turmoil.
You wanted love, you needed love in your life, so you hung on to the 5% as long as possible.
But then it just got too hard.
Once you broke free, wouldn’t you think that the sky is the limit for your future?
Then you start to miss this person. You start thinking about the 5% of good times, good feelings and whatever joy you could muster up.
Because you wanted to be in love and deep inside, you are filling a void that was being filled just enough to keep you going.
Here is the thing.....you are not missing the toxic "person".... you are missing the IDEA of what the relationship SHOULD have been or could have been.
Sometimes we have low self worth, for a variety of reasons, (WHICH WAS NOT OUR FAULT) that causes us to settle for anyone that shows us a little bit of attention……
BUT NO MORE LADIES!!
You are strong
You are resilient
You are capable
You don’t need this in your life
Mastin Kipp has said:
Are you doing all the work but still feel stuck?
You have an inflexible nervous system and you can only progress in life when your nervous system feels safe.
I can help you create nervous system flexibility.
There are so many good modalities like yoga, meditation, tapping, CBT and many others, but those will only work if you are also doing your trauma work to allow your nervous system to become more flexible.
A flexible nervous system will help you feel safe so you can make the shift to move forward.
So all these amazing modalities turn into high level coping mechanisms that really just put a bandage on the underlying issues.
If you try to make changes because you had some pain in your life, but you only give up some low level coping skills like drugs or alcohol or any unhealthy addiction, that won't be enough.
Without doing the nervous system work, the new modalities that you learn turn into high level coping skills. Don't misunderstand, yoga, meditation, all of those are great, so keep doing them, but without allowing your nervous system to feel safe to move forward and safe to expand your life, they will just give you short term relief.
It is like a tea kettle, the water starts to boil and the steam rises and causes the spout to whistle.
If you turn the water off, the steam goes down and the whistling stops. But as soon as you turn on the flame again, it starts all over.
It is the same for us, we feel better as soon as the flame is turned off and the pressure goes down. So you will do your yoga or meditation or exercise and it makes you feel good for the moment, but you can’t sustain that feeling for the long haul without doing the nervous system work.
In the past we were taught to self regulate or read self-help books or talk about your feelings, etc. and the focus was on our brains and how our thoughts can change things.
A lot of these older ways of coping and dealing actually caused us to isolate and feel more abandoned and alone.
Your nervous system is trying to keep you safe and that is why it is inflexible.
Realize that your PTSR (post traumatic stress response) was trying to keep you safe by appropriately responding to a threat. Over time however, those kinds of experiences made your nervous system inflexible.
Also, think about this, did your diagnosis become your identity? This is very often why people don't feel safe to move forward because they feel broken or less than or not enough.
So if you are doing meditation but you are still in a toxic relationship you will have short term relief but no long term success.
How long have you been waiting to feel safe?
If you want to experience how amazing life can truly be, I have a powerful,1:1, six-month plan of action for you.
My “Triumph Over Trauma” program will:
*Identify why you feel stuck
*Find the Root Cause of your emotional wounds
*Create Safe Relationships
*Discover your life’s purpose
*Align your environment with your purpose
*Set Goals that are also aligned with your purpose
If you’re interested in fixing this once and for all please reach out at either email@example.com or sign up for your consult session at karenmessina.com