Updated: Jun 23, 2020
*Emotional trauma happens because of EXPERIENCES*
People think, “well I don’t have that” because they think trauma just means blunt force trauma/catastrophic trauma, etc.
Emotional trauma is anything that traumatized you or your emotions deeply and left a scar/a hole/a void in your life…
It creates a wound that dysregulates THINGS.
Let’s go over how we can - Resolve the trauma, Help the nervous system feel safe AND ULTIMTELY have purpose.
So, if we say that EXPERIENCES are what cause emotional trauma, then we have the ability and power to CREATE NEW experiences to disprove and disconfirm the old pain.
Create DISCONFIRMING EXPERIENCES…..
There was an experience in your life that caused you pain, like abuse, bullying, neglect, rejection or any one of a host of experiences that were emotionally traumatizing to YOU.
Disconfirming experiences are what heal trauma…. and not to say that the experience didn’t happen, but simply to say that you can give the nervous system a different experience than you had in the past.
What is keeping you stuck?
Mastin Kipp – the creator of Functional Life Coaching and best-selling author said:
“Trauma from our history makes our nervous system inflexible” which is why we get stuck.
You can only move forward when you actually feel safe.
Nervous System flexibility means feeling safe.
Nervous System inflexibility means you are not moving forward.
What You ARE probably doing is a lot of either high level or low-level coping.
Our nervous system has been trying to keep us SAFE but in turn while keeping us safe, has kept us stuck.
What that means is…..
We feel anxiety – that is our body trying to protect us from the unknown.
Anxiety comes from not knowing what will happen next/fear of the unknown/change.
PTSR [post-traumatic stress response] – is our body trying to keep us safe from what it thinks is danger – fight or flight response.
When your nervous system is FLEXIBLE you will feel joy, abundance and overall peace.
We need to feel SAFE in order to move forward.
In the past we would SELF REGULATE OR MEDICATE.
What does that mean? It means trying to do it alone, too much thinking and not enough physical, or nervous system work. We are not focusing on our body's reactions. Really being in tune with our feelings and learning to be in connection with others.
Or we simply put a band aid on everything with medication, alcohol or addictive behaviors.
It is not your fault. Keep that in mind.
Now the new findings are that we need to "CO-REGULATE which means to have safe relationships in order to move forward and have an optimal emotional state".
So, in order to have DISCONFIRMING EXPERIENCES you need to feel safe in your relationships.
You cannot do it alone.
Let’s circle back to COPING.
High Level Coping = yoga, self-help, exercise, meditation.
Low Level Coping = addiction, gossip, toxic relationships, little or no exercise.
If I am doing EMDR [eye movement desensitization reprocessing] or CBT [cognitive behavioral therapy], Meditation or Yoga which are the high-level coping mechanisms, but I am still in a toxic relationship and I don’t know what my purpose is, then I am just doing high level coping and getting short term relief.
Or even worse, doing low level coping and creating a new problem or making the old problem worse.
The fastest way to move forward is to:
1. Feel Safe to move forward (staying away from people who shooting you down or make you feel bad).
2. Find your Purpose
To resolve emotional trauma, we need to look at the root cause or the original incident AND
keep doing the trauma work like you take showers or brush your teeth, right?
You don’t just take one shower and say well I did my shower and I’m good forever.
No, you have to do it daily for positive outcomes.
Just like working out. You can’t go to the gym one time and hope to build muscle and look tone and fit.
Working on understanding the trauma source/owning it/taking power over it and practicing that every day will make your nervous system flexible. By creating new experiences you are actually beginning the healing process and creating your new future.
It has been said that Purpose helps to recover from trauma.
Purpose helps with emotional recovery from negative stimuli.
Look at your surroundings. Who are you living with? Who are you working with? Who are you spending time with? Are they safe relationships, meaning that they lift you up? Not knock you down?
This goes back to safe relationships and safe surroundings.
Have a purpose in life reduces many health issues as well as emotional health issues. It improves healing outcomes.
What is your quality of life?
What do you want it to be?
Discover the root cause – What was the thing that happened to you that made you feel bad, uneasy or traumatized.
Unblock your Life’s purpose – what is the thing that will bring you joy, what have you wanted to do or be?
Assess your safe relationships – who are you living with/who are you working with/who are you hanging with?
I was abused and now I coach survivors. But you can have any kind of purpose that brings you joy…. Even if it is simply being happy in your own skin.
Align your environment with your relationships and purpose –
So bringing it all together, in order to reach your goals in life, you need to manage your root cause trauma, unblock your life’s purpose by creating safe relationships, then create a safe environment so that you feel free and safe to move toward your purpose and goals.