So, you made it out and you are moving on. Seems like that should be it, right?
But then what happens? You start thinking about your past or you start thinking about the abusive partner. You start missing them, but in reality you are missing what you wanted the relationship to be or what you thought it would be. You are missing the idea of a beautiful healthy relationship even though yours may not have been that. We all have done it.
We all know that as time goes on you forget about the bad things that happened and somehow only think about the good times. It just happens and it is human nature.
Now remember, life is 50/50. 50 percent will be good and 50 percent will be awful. Embracing the awful is very important. Knowing how to embrace it and own it will help you heal.
One of my clients saw the connection in these 3 letters and these 3 words NOW-OWN-WON.
NOW IS THE TIME FOR YOU TO OWN YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU WON YOUR BATTLE OVER YOUR PAST.
It isn’t as easy as people might think to just move on. When others don’t understand abuse or toxic, unhealthy relationships, they are simply not equipped to help you or be in your corner or know what you are talking about.
Many of my clients will hold ill feelings or grudges against their friends and family for not “being there” for them through their trauma. But that is a waste of your emotional energy. You need to reserve your energy for moving forward, reaching your goals, creating a new life for yourself.
Sometimes we have to leave people behind and sometimes we have to learn how to set up a boundary around the relationships we can’t walk away from so that we are in control of our outcomes.
If you have been following me for a while now, you know that I am always talking about creating disconfirming experiences. I also talk about Safe environments, Safe relationships and finding Purpose in your life.
A lot of this starts with our nervous system and it being inflexible. How does it get that way? Basically from not doing your thought work, emotional healing and owning your past emotional trauma.
These are all things that I would work on with you if you hired me as your coach.
Honestly, think about all the time you have wasted trying to fix a problem with the wrong tools or no tools at all.
Or on unhealthy coping skills like over eating or drinking or taking medications to cover up a symptom rather than heal that symptom.
Do the math.
Either you have spent time or money, with no results, over how many years?
How long do you want to keep feeling this way?
When do you want to start being in charge of your life and your outcomes? I’m just saying…..
Think of a flexible nervous system like a flexible body.
If you haven’t gone to the gym in a while you will be inflexible. Or yoga, inflexible.
You need to work on your emotional healing process and practice, just like at the gym.
Start the ball rolling to make your nervous system go from inflexible to flexible.
You have to want to make the change and put in the work.
Nothing happens over night, right? Working at it, learning the tools to have in your toolkit of life and using them to take back your power and control.
So as always, if you want to learn more about this or sign up for coaching with me, please feel free to reach out. If you go to my website karenmessina.com you can sign up for your free mini session where you can get started feeling better right away.