Why do I keep making the same mistakes?
Sometimes we think the thoughts that we have thought our entire lives. "I am not good enough. I can’t do that. I am not smart enough." These are not useful. If you turn those around with "I am good enough, I can do that or I am smart enough", you will start to feel forward focused energy bubble up rather than old, past triggers bubble up. When we say things like “ I’m trying or I am working on it”, we are putting ourselves behind the 8 ball because it’s like we are failing ahead of time.
If you keep reminding yourself about your past failures, you will stay in those failures forever.
Trying something different is what is what you need to do. If you tried something and it didn’t work or you couldn’t do it, keep trying and trying with new ideas or new thoughts about how you can make it work.
Giving up is not the answer. Giving up is giving in to your past failures. You are better than that. Brooke Castillo, master coach instructor, said YOU DON’T WANT TO BE IDENTIFYING YOURSELF IN RELATION TO YOUR PAST. Especially if your past was unhappy or stressful or toxic. I get it, it feels good to keep talking about it because it feels like if you do that someone will finally “fix it for you” but that is never the case. You have to want to feel better and take massive action to get there.
Try identifying yourself from your future. Decide who and what you want to be or what you want to accomplish and start from that point and move forward.
When I say take massive action I mean don’t just think about what you want for your future and hope it will just magically happen but take tangible steps to get there. Make appointments, meet with people, act as though you are already at your goal and live from that perspective.
A good friend and coach, Barbara Rubio once said, "If you want to find a partner, be the person you want to date."
I love that so much. Act, NOW, in the same way that you want to be treated. Live as if you already feel good about your relationship. You will feel differently and act differently than you have in the past, which means you are not bringing into your relationships any negative energy from your past, just positive, forward focused thinking.
How can I stop feeling anxious over everything, all the time?
OK, this is a common question that I get and I want you all to remember that anxiety comes from something that happened in your past and/or something that might happen going forward.
Identifying what it is that you think is making you feel anxious is the first step. And then looking at how you can take control over that in particular situation. When you have agency over something, when you have control over it, it removes the anxiety because you are putting it in its place, so to speak. Thoughts like, “no …. this feeling about what might happen, is not going to control my decisions or my day.” My past is over and I am in my present. I control my outcomes and how I want this to go."
You do however really have to choose what you want....and do you want to choose joy and happiness, otherwise you will stay stuck and safe in your past thoughts, the thoughts that have not really helped you up until now.
It’s a choice. Look at what your life was like when things were not going well for you. Now look at your life when things are going better. We tend to sabotage ourselves because we are trying to prove that it won’t work or you can’t be happy or that your attempts will fail.
When you spend all of your time trying to prove that you are broken and that things won't work out and that it's not worth the effort, you are sabotaging yourself from being happy and in the meantime you might be pushing away people that could actually be good for you.
It is fear that is preventing you from being happy, fear of what might happen which is what causes anxiety or fear of what happened in the past is going to happen again which also causes anxiety, so can you see how this is just a vicious cycle that needs to be broken and you have the power to break it but you have to want to be happy and want to move past your past.
I feel like my family doesn’t understand me.
Well of course they don’t, they are not equipped to understand what you went thru. They don’t have the tools to even begin to understand what you went thru, so they also will do what they know or what they think is the right thing to do which is typically not useful to you. They want to fix the problem quickly so it will go away or they want to blame someone or to maybe blame you in some way, since they don’t understand.
Just remember it is not their fault that they don’t understand and not their responsibility to fix you. It is YOUR responsibility however to find the right support and help to guide you through the healing process.
When we waste our time complaining about how our family doesn't understand us and how it's their fault that we're not growing or moving forward or blaming them for making our problem worse …… we are blocking our progress when we could be healing and growing and moving forward.
I am here for you. I have a Triumph over Trauma coaching solution just for you. I will meet you where you are at.
Reach out to me if you want to finally feel better.