RELATIONSHIPS Is yours healthy?
Let’s talk about relationships. What do we know? We know they exist and are enjoyable. We love to be in relationships with people and loved ones. We sometimes get hurt in relationships. Does that seem accurate? Why then is the topic of relationships so intriguing? I think that it is because everyone’s perception of what they think a relationship should look like is very different.
I have talked about the “manual” in my past blogs, which encompasses the book of rules and regulations that we all hold in our minds in which we expect our loved ones to follow. We have compiled all the expectations that we believe other people should follow in this manual, and when they don’t do the things we think they should, we make it mean that they don’t love us or respect us or we make it mean something negative. The problem with the manual is that, first of all, no one likes to be told what to do and how to do it (children are the exception here). Secondly, people are allowed to do whatever they choose. You can decide whether or not you like what they are doing and act appropriately, but it is their choice. As a side note, we need to share what is in the manual with those people so they know what it is we are expecting. We need to realize that WE are in charge of our own happiness. It is nobody else’s responsibility to make us happy. Can you imagine how exhausting it is to constantly be in charge of someone else’s happiness and how powerless that leaves you?
When you are relying on other people’s behavior to determine your happiness, you are then stuck in a no-win situation. If you hear yourself saying things like, “if he would just be more attentive then I can be happy,” “If she would stop nagging then I can feel better.” If he just…..” or If she would…..” You must be in charge of your own happiness and not delegate this job to someone else. It is not the other person’s job to make you happy and it is not your job to make your partner or others happy. It is “their” responsibility to be happy and make themselves happy in order to achieve the goal of a healthy relationship. Does that make sense? If you are relying on someone else’s behavior to make you happy, then you will likely never be happy.
I also have often said that the phrase “you complete me” is not realistic. You must be whole and complete before entering into a relationship. Let’s chat more about this concept as it applies to your relationships and how to achieve healthy relationships.
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